synthetic as the city.

June 20, 2012

My mind went blank and the words wouldn’t come out right.
All I could think of were the loud, busy streets
yelling at me as I used to walk,
Bellmont, Grand Avenue,  Michigan, and Van Buren.
The towering above me that felt like home.

And in a blink of my eyes, everything changed.
My buildings turned to fields,
my sights turned to memories.
Nothing ever stays the same.

I look around me and it’s like I’m seeing double.
Originality has long been forgotten
and determination only has one sole focus.
I fight to dream, I struggle to live
not only to survive, but to prosper.
I am me, and I am young, yet
I have seen a fair share of adversity.
Take my thoughts, take my words,
take me as a whole, or do not take me at all.
I could think all day and never get bored,
I could write pages and never run out of words.
If you asked me what I liked,
to you, my answers would be all wrong.
No one is supposed to like the color gray,
speaking the words others refuse to say, or
choosing to sit alone.
But I do. And does that make me wrong?
Is there a determined wrong and right?
Because all I know is that my city would never judge me.
But this town might.


Before I start, I would just like to say that if you take even one thing away from this, let it be the encouragement to do your own research and think for yourself BEFORE supporting Stop Kony 2012.Image

Lately all we’ve been hearing about is this worldwide “Stop Kony” or “Kony 2012” movement. While I’m sure most have seen the video, I’m sure that a lot of us have not stopped to think about much beside the sad images, the empathetic narration, and the motivational music. I will admit, I did the same. After finishing the video I felt empowered. I felt as if I could walk outside right then and there and start spreading the message. I tried to log onto the website to figure out how I could get my action kit, and I started planning what I was going to do to help.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that I realized I knew nothing about this issue. I was going off of purely what one person had said, and that’s not like me. I’m the kind of person that needs facts. I need research and I need to develop my own opinion.

So there I was, sitting in awe of how much this video had gotten to my head. I’m thinking “What the hell? What am I doing? I’m a like a sheep. It’s the mob mentality. The play on emotions. A very well developed use of pathos.”

All of a sudden I kind of just snapped out of it and started looking at the situation from an outside point of view. I started thinking. For myself. And as I’m thinking, I’m getting more and more upset. Because I’m realizing what a ridiculous idea this is. Making this man famous? Joseph Kony becoming the object of conversation. The trending topic on twitter. An issue that either connects or separates people on such an argumentative and controversial level. I’ve had people show me some intense hate just for the fact that I brought up an opposing thought. For the fact that I had a different view. I was astounded at how quickly people got so serious about this issue.

When I show my opposition to the Stop Kony 2012 campaign, I am not even given time to explain my reasoning. People are so quick to judge. They feel like I’m heartless, like I don’t care about the children, and they don’t see how I don’t support this cause. Well to be honest, I can’t see how they CAN support it.

By supporting the Stop Kony 2012 campaign, you are supporting…:

  • The increase of Ugandan military who, themselves, both rape and loot
  • The increase of American military being sent into Uganda
  • The fight between American military and the LRA children army, meaning that many of those brainwashed kids WILL be killed
  • 68% of the foundations money going to areas that are NOT related to direct services, BUT going to other things including staff salaries, travel and transport, and film production.
  • and many more negative and dangerous aspects that are not addressed by Invisible Children, the video, or the campaign

There are so many flaws with this organization and campaign.

  • You are not informed of where the  donations or money from the product sales goes to
  • The top 3 people with the branch of Invisible Children, “Kony 2012”, made almost $90,000 in salary last year!
  • They were involved in fraudulent activity two years ago
  • The campaign and organization promotes awareness NOT action
  • They do not encourage or allow volunteers to get involved in Uganda
  • They do not accept anything except cash donations (no clothes, no food, etc.)
  • Their film is one sided and does NOT acknowledge all of the facts

Please listen to what this Ugandan woman, Rosebell Kagumire, has to say about the issue. She shares insight to what the REAL problem is and what is TRULY going on there.

She is open to discussing on twitter. @RosebellK

For more information and other critic’s opinions I highly suggest checking out

“I compare this filmmaker to Hitler in some ways. Not in the sense that he is an evil person or that he has killed millions… but he (and the rest of the Invisible Children Organization) are effectively brainwashing young people with beautiful media and their abilities to inspire masses with a quick tongue and passion, to join their cause… and fight for something that THEY believe in.

Think back to when you were in high school… with the exception of a few, most people didn’t have much to be too passionate about, other than hooking up with girls, hating homework and Saturday nights. These are impressionable kids who have not been educated enough to make their own decisions and/or decode their own views of the world, and especially its many problems. They haven’t had a chance to choose what to support on their own… if anything. Its unfair to show them pictures that are tied to a message and effectively use juxtapositioning to gain leverage over large groups of young people. Invisible People is harnessing the power of people and community, and putting it to work for their fight. Doesn’t matter if its a noble or selfish cause, its not right to exploit children for anybody’s benefit… *ahem*”

As well as

“KONY 2012 is the product of a group called Invisible Children, a controversial activist group and not-for-profit. They’ve released 11 films, most with an accompanying bracelet colour (KONY 2012 is fittingly red), all of which focus on Joseph Kony. When we buy merch from them, when we link to their video, when we put up posters linking to their website, we support the organization. I don’t think that’s a good thing, and I’mnotalone.

Invisible Children has been condemned time and time again. As a registered not-for-profit, its finances are public. Last year, the organization spent $8,676,614. Only 32% went to direct services (page 6), with much of the rest going to staff salaries, travel and transport, and film production. This is far from ideal for an issue which arguably needs action and aid, not awareness, and Charity Navigator rates their accountability 2/4 stars because they lack an external audit committee. But it goes way deeper than that.”

Invisible Children’s Contact information (You can leave a voicemail) // 619.562.2799


imagines the french.

March 5, 2012

it was not as much what you said as what you did.
keeping the pieces clean and modern with an element of something gritty.
it was rebellious and beautiful at the same time.
retro silhouettes, shadows cast on me.

this return to grunge.
a brink she would stay on for the ensuing decade or so.
who drove him over the edge?
perhaps it’s where i missed the memo.

when it comes.
the colors and the momentous shift from calm to chaos that happens.
it took me a long time to begin to understand what was wrong, what was needed, what to do.
stay busy, find a way, make a life without you.

easier in one year than in another.
and feelings of guilt and shame.
without a doubt they are unequal.
frustrations are not the same.

and neither are my satisfactions.
compromised, without the compromise.
but to us this looks like a perfect storm.
our cautionary tales of demise.

a wonderful thing.
comes with a certain amount of damage.
i forgive you for not being perfect.


-(made from phrases found in various magazines)

step 1.

February 21, 2012

Wow, it’s been a while. I’ve been so busy lately, but WordPress has been greatly missed.

I have really been finding some great relief in the fact that school will soon be coming to a close, only 3 months left to go.

But along with that relief has come a lot of thought. Not too long from now, my future is going to start taking shape, and I’ve been thinking  a lot about what I want it to look like.

I have always had a great interest in art and music, and I know I will not feel right if I don’t do something creative with my life.

A few months ago, I got accepted to Indiana University, and although I was not crazy about it at first, my excitement has built recently. I decided that I am going to study graphic design, and then my second year I am going to attempt to get into Jacob’s School of Music, to get accepted into their Recording Art’s program. I feel like if I could do that, I could survive living in hell, I mean Indiana, for the next 4 years.

But anyways, getting to my point. As everyone may know, just recently at the Grammy’s, the artist Bon Iver won Best New Artist, as well as Best Alternative Music Album. As many of you may not know, Bon Iver’s record label, Jagjaguwar, is located right here in Bloomington, Indiana. Lucky me.

So today, I took my first step. Although it may be small, and although it probably will not lead me anywhere, I sent an email to Jagjaguwar. I approached them about finding out more information about how the label is run, and just more information about the music industry in general. I would absolutely love to get to talk to someone from there, and I feel like it would give me the inspiration and motivation I need to get started on my career journey.

But whether I hear back or not, I know that it was my first step. My first step of many.


i’ve been thinking…

February 7, 2012

I’ve been working on a new post, but it has required a lot of research and time. So I didn’t want to wait until it was finished to share my thoughts on something that has been on my mind and in my life for a while.

And it has to do with parenting.

While I am far from becoming a parent myself, I have given it a lot of thought. I know there are many things I will do, and a lot of things I will not do. One of those things I will not do, is judge my child.

Like I do with my close friends and family now, I will support my child in just about any decision they make.

If they want to be gay, fine.

If they want to express themselves, fine.

If they want to dress differently, fine.

And if my child comes to me and tells me that they don’t want to participate in drinking or drugs, great.

Children come to an age where they have more freedom, they are away from their parents more, and they can begin to explore things on their own and find out what kind of person they want to become. As a parent I would be ecstatic if my kid felt free to be their own person and make their own decisions. Whether that decision was to smoke pot, have a few drinks, or refrain from doing either, as long as they were responsible and came to the decision on their own, I would support them.

It kills me to see great kids get put down by their parents. I hate it when a child feels like they can’t be who they want to be, because their parents won’t approve.

I will not judge my child.

February 2, 2012

Art is suffering, art is happiness, art is a loud voice, a proud mind, art is expression. Art can be created in a variety of medias with a variety of motives. Art is a therapy, art is a hobby, art is a lifestyle. Art is something formed by one mind and heart to be shared with other minds and hearts. I believe that we need art just as much as art needs us. While we use it to express, entertain, or educate, art uses us to provoke and provide. We can use art to express our feelings, entertain an audience and viewers, or educate about an issue or subject. Art can use us to provoke feelings and ideas that we have inside and bring them to the light, and it can provide us with a deeper insight of people and minds. The goal of art can be anything from bringing a smile to someone’s face, to causing a riot, from stretching the imagination, to question sanity. All of these things have a common source, the desire of expression.

Good and bad, high and low, can these terms possibly apply to art? What do they even mean? If art is a form of expression, who are we to tell someone that their thoughts and feelings are good or bad? Who can be the judge of determining high or low art? From a technical standpoint, we can say that a painting has good brush strokes and an excellent grasp of color and tone, or we can state that a classical music piece uses a structured dynamic and a fluidly changing tempo. We can do this because of the basic rules of technique for certain art forms. But when we get down to the personal interpretation, how can you tell someone that his or her opinions are good or bad, high or low?


January 25, 2012

I love you, but you love the pain more.
I wish you would open up your eyes and see that this isn’t right.
I wish you would see what this is doing to you.
Ripping you apart, inside and out.
Everyday, I’m afraid to look. I’m afraid to see the piece of work he’s left.
But I know what you need is strength. You need someone to tell.
You secrets have been built up for far too long & this has been the only way to let them out.
The blood lets go of all the lies, the hate, the hurt, the past.
And then you sit there and look at what you’ve done. What he’s done.
And you blame it all on yourself.
No one ever listens. They ask, but they don’t hear.
They don’t understand you like I do.
For years, I’ve watched the sad, tormented soul.
I’ve caught glimpses at the source, and I’ve heard fragments of the truth.
I’ve tried to connect, tried to break in, but the walls are so thick.
You’re used to building them up.
But you’re scared of breaking them down.
For a single second I thought I saw a crack in the wall.
A light of hope, a faint smile, a quiet laugh.
Endless conversation with a mind like yours.
I saw what I’ve been looking for all of these years.
What you’ve been looking for.
But as the day passed, and the grin faded, so did the light.
You were left in the dark again.
Left with the sad, tormented soul.
Left with the weapon.
And you used it well.

Words of a wise friend.

January 23, 2012

“As long as there is air in my lungs, as long as the sun shines, I will be here waiting for the one person. That one person, the one that I would make the earth stand still for. But until that day comes, I will be here, waiting. And waiting. Even when the days die and the world ends I’ll be here alone, caressing death with intoxication. And pretending to be ok.”

It kills me when…

January 23, 2012

the best of people get the worst shit.

It kills me when those people believe it’s what they deserve.

It kills me when nothing I say or do can change their mind.

And it kills me when they’re alright with it.