synthetic as the city.

June 20, 2012

My mind went blank and the words wouldn’t come out right.
All I could think of were the loud, busy streets
yelling at me as I used to walk,
Bellmont, Grand Avenue,  Michigan, and Van Buren.
The towering above me that felt like home.

And in a blink of my eyes, everything changed.
My buildings turned to fields,
my sights turned to memories.
Nothing ever stays the same.

I look around me and it’s like I’m seeing double.
Originality has long been forgotten
and determination only has one sole focus.
I fight to dream, I struggle to live
not only to survive, but to prosper.
I am me, and I am young, yet
I have seen a fair share of adversity.
Take my thoughts, take my words,
take me as a whole, or do not take me at all.
I could think all day and never get bored,
I could write pages and never run out of words.
If you asked me what I liked,
to you, my answers would be all wrong.
No one is supposed to like the color gray,
speaking the words others refuse to say, or
choosing to sit alone.
But I do. And does that make me wrong?
Is there a determined wrong and right?
Because all I know is that my city would never judge me.
But this town might.

infidelity = inferiority

June 20, 2012

(An older post that I wrote a while back.)

Expectations:
Fidelity- The quality or state of being faithful.
Monogamy- The practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.

Commitment. Trust. Faith. Exclusivity.

These are all of the words we long to live by. We all want to feel loved. To feel special. To feel like the only one in the world. But in reality, we’re not. There are billions of other people out there and if we can find a partner that will ignore all of them & focus their eyes on us and only us, we are lucky.

Monogamy. It’s the norm. Everywhere we go we see couples. Two people. Committed to one another, whether through word, promise, or vow.

But what we don’t see, is infidelity.

Cheating. Unfaithful. Screwing around. Adultery.

A fear of everyone’s. Nobody wants to be cheated on. Nobody wants to feel like they’re just another variable. No one wants to feel inferior.

Yet so many of us do.

“ Some researchers say there’s a 50–50 chance today that one partner will have an affair during a marriage”

“It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.”

“Infidelity is involved in 90% of first time divorces.”

“Studies suggest around 30–40% of dating relationships are marked by at least one incident of sexual infidelity.”

So what do we do? We hope & we pray that this one will be different. We use our own defense mechanisms. We have more sex, give more love, and watch more closely.

But the game is harsh, and some play it well. Love can blind you. Love can make us go to extreme measures. Love can make us say, “No, he would never do that”, or “I know her better than that”. It can make us believe it when they tell us they’re working late. It can make us ignore those texts you’ve seen them hiding. It can make you trust in every lie they tell you.

All games have a “winner” and a “loser”. The “winner” gets the prize, the new shinny toy, while the loser” gets to feel like their title, the loser.

Then come the questions….

“What did I do wrong?” “Was I not enough?” “What do they have that I don’t?”

Inferiority. BAM!